How to Help a 9 Year Old be Non-Judgmental

Question: Our local pro at our tennis club has your book and has bought into “Mental Tennis.” He has a 9 year old son who goes ballistic when he makes a bad shot. I know corrective ideas for an adult, but what about convincing a 9 year old not to be judgmental on a bad shot?

Answer: The problem here is that the son has an unrealistic view of reality. This was and is created by parents and tennis professionals who don’t really understand how winning happens and how a ball is hit.

I would ask the student, “Who is hitting the ball?” The usual answer is, “I am.” And I say to them, “No, you are not. Your body is hitting the ball.” I would also tell the person (whether it be a child or adult) that if they become the greatest player the world has ever seen, they will still miss shots. I may even point out that Federer who is the greatest player in the world still misses nothing balls.

This child is doing exactly what I did all those years before I took my lesson from Tim Gallwey. I tried so hard to hit the ball into the court and the more I tried the more I tense I got and the more frustrated I got when I missed. Only when I learned to let my body hit the ball and truly let the ball go where it wants, did I stop getting frustrated.

This child (or anyone) needs to learn that their body can hit the ball better than using their conscious mind. They will always achieve better results when they simply let their body do things rather than trying to make them happen. They need to make playing (especially in tournaments) way less important. They need to play a different game. A game where they figure out how to let their body hit the ball. They need to be taught that by letting their body hit the ball, the body will learn to hit the ball far better than if the conscious mind tries to do it.

So, the big question is how we get the child to do this. You do this by teaching the child to see the ball, breathe and relax properly when hitting the ball. Remember that when you relax more you are giving up control of hitting the ball to the other than conscious. In fact when you work on all these things, you are practicing letting the body do the hitting.

In addition, the parents or the teaching pros need to re-enforce these principles. If they still have the child think they have to hit all great shots in order to win and/or hit all the balls into the court and if they encourage the conscious mind to do this, the child will continue to get frustrated.

I hope this answers the question. I feel like I am not able to give as complete an answer since I have not talked to the child or seen how the child behaves on the court, but hopefully, this will help.